Vin's friend George shares experience of loss

When my mother died a psychiatrist I was working with at the time said something to me that resonated with my experience. He said that our relationships with our mothers start before we are born and so it begins at a time when there are no words to describe the relationship, especially the dependency part of it. So, when our mother is gone there is a way, impossible to express in words, in which we are alone in the world. Even though the days when my mother was taking care of me were far in the past, and even though, if anything I was now taking care of her, there was a feeling of loneliness and insecurity that I felt when she died...it seemed like something to share because it helped me deal with some of the kind of surprising feelings that I went through all those many years ago.
-George

"Ar dheis de a h'anam dilis"-from Jackson

I have a very strong memory of your mother from her trip to Ireland, her sense of fun and her energy, her strong personality (Gosh, I wonder did anybody else inherit that!) and the warmth that she gave off as a person. As I type this I can see her face as it was then. I still have photographs as well at home of that time and that is how I prefer to remember her and how I shall keep her in my mind and heart. She was truly a person who made an impression on people. I don't know if all your family, being closer to her and having known her longer, saw her this way but I would have to say she made a very stong impression on me that has never left since then. I hope it never does. She was a remarkable woman in many ways, in the most positive way. Ar dheis de a h'anam dilis (Her soul on God's right hand)
Love, Jackson (Josefa's friend in Ireland)

KenE@60

Sticky Ricky blogs while Nini cries
Petie's family walks and Kevino goes home
Toey calls
'Ria shares and Cefe(rina) writes
Sean-y-boy coaches
Vinny gets poetic
Bon Bon keeps us straight and Pegley parties
Ken E. turns 60
Dad's a widower
comfort food and MAMAGONE

-R.W.M.Warren 8/28/06

MAMAGONE 2

MAMAGONE 2
A Poem by VSS

They took her away and we all arrived
One be one, family by family
Fears, tears, hugs.

Slow motion pausing at her now empty bed, reverent.
Some touch her pillow and sheets. Some smell them,
While I sit frozen in a chair, clutching a pillow and watching them.

In other rooms, speedy planning her funeral, cleaning, eating, preparing.

Kids on the periphery of stunned adults in startled grief,
Running through and around the house,
Jumping off the roof,
Chasing each other with water balloons,
Darting around corners, surefooted.
Laughing, bonding with cousins
Until one day
They become adults
And slow in the wake of the death of their parent.

Everything changes.

The worn, smooth, familiar stones beneath your feet, once sure in their support of your every step, become loose, making you slip and walk gingerly for awhile, because she was your ground, even if you didn’t know it.

VSS 8-26-2006 (one month today that Mama died)

Claire, Chelsea & Rochelle doing Alzheimer's Memory Walk for Mom

As many of you are aware, My girls and I have made it an annual event to participate in the Alzheimer's Memory Walk. This year is no exception. However, this year I walk for my Mother-in-law, Ramona Warren who died July 26th 2006.

Ramona was a very special person who I am honored was part of my life. At the end of her life she developed Dementia which impaired her memory. The last time I went to California to see my in-laws, Ramona looked at me and said "do I know you from somewhere?" Fortunately, I was able to get her to recognize me after a few hours by looking at photographs of my family with her and reminiscing about the past.

I will miss Ramona very much, and felt it was appropriate to walk in her honor this year.

Any donation (none is too small) would be greatly appreciated. Please mail your donations to me, made payable to "Alzheimer's Association." My address is 194 Long Ridge Drive, Bailey CO 80421.

Please mail me your donations before September 16th, as I need to bring all the donations and turn them in the day of the walk

Thank you in advance for your support.

Love,

Claire

Laughing with Mama

"Laughing with Mama"
I found this picture among my photo albums today. I love this one, because it really reminds me of those happy happy times. This one in particular is with Cefe, Peggy and Mom laughing during a Christmas Eve skit. We laughed untiil we cried.

Hi*Speed to Close on 50th Anniv.

On the 50th Anniversary of being established Hi*Speed Duplicating and Supply Co. will close it's doors and sell off equipment. The company was established in 1956 by the upstart future owner of the San Francisco/Golden State Warriors, Franklin Mieuli.

The parent company is Franklin Mieuli & Associates, Sports Radio and TV Producers and Consultants. FM&A will stay in tact and is now run by my friend and business associate Linda Giannecchini and managed by Shirley Figgins.

Known as the west coast innovators of reel-to-reel duplication and later an essential stop for cassette duplication in San Francisco. Nearly every wanna-be musician, radio personality, DJ, spoken word talent and many upstart companies used Hi*Speed for their reel-to-reel, cassette, video and cd needs over the last half century. Hi*Speed became synonomous with low prices and quick tournaround for small to medium amounts of duplication.

I grew up professionally while working for the company from 1989-99 and returned as a consultant several times in the next decade as well. While simultaneously running the sports engineering side of the business, I was the primary customer service rep and handled accounts recievables on our small staff.

Many great engineers worked there including a well regarded vibrophonist, a classically trained guitar player and even a Chinese mechanic type among so many others; all of whom became close friends.

Franklin Mieuli & Associates engineers have also dabbled with Hi*Speed and are considered among the best sports radio engineers in the country, from Michael Marquart to John Trinidad to Mike Baird.

Hi*Speed will be missed, but the legend of Franklin Mieuli lives on.

Brendon scores in Golden Gate Park

Today Gia and I had the good fortune to meet up with Brendon (my nephew from San Diego) and Brittany as they competed in a disc golf tournament in Golden Gate Park. The park begins not far from our apartment (5 blocks) but goes on for miles. So we walked and walked until we finally found them on this slightly chilly August day. The tournament is taking place Saturday and Sunday in the midst of the woods on three courses. This was our first chance to experience the interesting sport. Like "ball golf," as Brendon calls it, you compete in 4 or 5-somes and shoot from a tee. Each hole is usually a par 3 and may include throwing through a set of trees or over a lake. There are penalty shots for going out of bounds or into the lake (plus you loose your $20 disc as Brendon did while we watched). There are several divisions including Professional, Advanced and Intermediate. Brendon is one of the best Interemediates but can play in Advanced and Brittany competes highly in the Amatuer Women's group. We were able to visit during their lunch break and catch up while also watching the guys throw at the practice baskets for prizes including Giants tickets, etc. It was pretty amazing and colorful, as each golfer has several discs in there own bag. B and B tell us they collectively have about 200 at home, and I believe they were carrying about 20 each. The atmosphere on the course was somewhat more serious than I thought; I tried not to talk too much (a difficult task) but slipped on a branch once, startling a player, luckily the guy made the "putt" after he stared me down. But off the course, the folks couldn't have been nicer. Real working class guys, it seems. I, for one, am a new fan of disc golf and look for the sport to really take off in years to come. Brendon and Brittany will compete again on Sunday as they try to improve their world rankings.

Hollister Photos

Grandpa with Alana, Samara, Nicky, Carson, Chelsea and Rochelle
getting traditional milkshakes at Bevos


Peter, Kevin, Chelsea, Rick goofin' on front lawn in Hollister

"comfort food" by Vin Sue

Click on photo to enlarge.

The siblings related stories of craving egg salad sandwiches, in the days after our Mom's funeral. Mom used to make them for us. Here is Vin's image of this occurance, titled "comfort food".

Here's my own story:

Today I was intent on finally eating an egg salad sandwich to get in solidarity
for Mama.  So I headed to the most popular cheap local deli (Lee's @ $2.95 Mom
would be proud) and waited in the long line.  As I waited it appeared everyone
in there was ordering egg salad.  When I finally got to the counter the guy who
ordered seconds before me got, you guessed it, an egg salad sandwich.
Determined to share my experience, I told the shocked financial district fella,
"My Mom recently died and nearly everyone in my family everyone in here,
including you, are ordering egg salad sandwhiches in her honor."  His response
was a quizzical one. And that was the best egg salad I've had in decades.-Rick

Mom and Dad with Tommy and Anthony

Sean's Birthday Today

Today is Sean's birthday. Kevin and I are taking him out tomorrow night to Cha Cha Cha's and to watch the Pro-City Basketball Championships.

Today is also the day Auntie Judy died; she was Sean's Godmother. And its the Feast of the Assumption of Mary, a holy day of obligation.

If I have the story right, one year on Sean's birthday Mom was going off to work at the cannery so we recorded her voice. It may have been the first time she had used a tape recorder, and she talked slowly and delibrately. Like a female Walter Cronkite: "To - day - is - the - Feast - of - the - Assump - tion. Hap- py - Birth - Day - Sean. It's - a - slurry - thing." I don't think anyone who was there will every forget it as we played it back numerous times. I wonder if anyone knows where that precious cassette tape is now.

Years later, when the answering machine became popular we had plenty of laughs trying to get her to record a natural sounding outgoing message. I'll always remember those times as well.

Anita's former roomate Geri was in Hollister 7/26

Hi Anita,
>
>I am so sorry to hear of your mom's passing. I know this is a huge loss
>for you and your family.
>
>Oddly we were passing by Hollister, just about the time that your mom was
>moving toward heaven. We were traveling through in our motor home on our
>way to Washington State. I felt moved to send prayers to you and your
>family. I thought it was just because we were nearby, but I can see now
>that it was more than that. I continued to send prayers as we journeyed
>along.
>
>Again I am so sorry to hear of your family's loss. You will all be in
>our family prayers.
>
>With sympathy and love,
>Geri

"Flowers" - from Chelsea

Dear Family,

I was remembering the last time I saw Grandma, it was only about two weeks before. We visited twice during the two weeks we were there, once Cefe was there and the other Maria was there. Grandma went outside the first day we were there. We all went very slowly down the street with her, and she noticed everything, she would indicate to the smallest things. We made it all the way to the roses, at the next door neighbor's house. Then we returned and sat in the shade (my dad brought out some chairs) Grandma wore this big sunhat, and we all sat there under the tree, enjoying the cool breeze. The second time, for some reason I don't recall as much since I was chasing around Carson. I will always remember that day though.
God Bless,
Chelsea

Another comment from Chelsea:
The last I saw of Grandma she was sitting in her chair, and she was dozing off but I still gave her a big hug, then I turned and went to the door. For some reason I turned around for some reason and blew a slight kiss. Then I left.

Josefa gets comments re: Mama

Dear Joey,
Losing one's Mother is a severe experience. I do feel that part of my soul belongs to my mother. For that reason, my mother lives inside of me while I am alive. and still I couldn't help but I lost a big hunk when mother died.
Sincerely, Hisashi (He is a well known doctor who was born in Japan.)

Notes from Maria's friends about Mom

Maria,
Your mother was an awesome person who made a tremendous impact to everyone she
touched. Remember all of the good times.
Love, Ralph (Palumbo)

Maria,
Even when a death is "expected", it does NOTHING to lessen the impact. Because
it is the small stuff that DOES matter and that is irreplaceable. Like the wave
she gave you the last time she saw you. These you are missing. I hope you were
able to find some comfort in being with your sisters and brothers. After all,
that was the greatest gift she gave you -- your family. And not just by birth,
but by the relationships and interactions through the years. So most of her
still remains with you. Take care of all the memories you have of her for they
will stay with you forever.
Joan Mangold (co-worker/friend)

Dear Maria,
I heard your Mom's services yesterday were lovely, and her booklet was
beautiful. You were blessed with a wonderful mother, Maria, as she was blessed
to have such a great family. She enjoyed a fabulous life with all of you. Now,
she's your own personal angel to help you through each of your forever days.
Big hugs to you, dear friend -- Sharon (Hagerty)

Maria,
Memories become more precious as time goes by. Your heart will mend. Love,
Michelle (co-worker)

Maria,
I am sorry to hear of your loss. Remember the good times and know that she is
now in a wonderful place. Faith, family and friends will help you at this time.
Big Hug, Wilma (co-worker)

No matter the age, it is always difficult when your mother passes. My deepest
sympathy, Star Smith (friend)

We are so sorry to hear of the loss of your mother. Take good care of yourself
during this difficult time. Stephanie & Bob (co-workers)

Maria,
No words can express the sympathy I feel for you and your family at this time of
your loss. I'm glad you have so much support from your family. God supplies
the most comfort. Brenda D. (co-worker)

MAMAGONE-a poem by Susy

MAMAGONE

It’s a time to stare out over the vast sky.

It’s time to watch the ocean waves ebb and flow you into a spacey place,

To let a hot wind warm you,

And a cold drink cool you.

It is a time to be passive and still.

But the world pulls at me:

I have to drive my car to work and to errands.

Today I remember (14 days later) to tell my friends

That my mother died.

The world pulls me back because you have to work to eat,

But I just want to rest

In the cozy arms of my husband,

Or a big stuffed chair,

Or a warm bed,

With a soft pillow near a smiling puffy lamb that belonged to her.

His arms encircle a purple teddy bear whose shirt reads,

“Love you, Mother”

I love you mother.

It is unreal that you are gone.

VSS

8/8/2006

Words of Comfort after Mom's death

These notes from friends have been a great consolation to me....therefore I thought I'd share them with you...

"It was an incredible experience for me and my family to be part of your loss and celebration of life. Just like you, but in a very different way, my heart feels heavy. Your mother was a great lady and her family is a testimony to that. I was proud of how you handled yourself and your strength. I know it was not easy to speak about your mom when you are mourning, but I am sure she was proud and smiling on you from above. I understand a little bit more about your family and how they lovingly support one another. You were never without a hand to hold or a tear to exchange. How fortunate you are!"
- Gia Borelli

"Thank you for this (ref. eulogy). It brought back a lot of memories of your mom.

You know I'm the last one to be a believer in things such as faith or the afterlife. Sure I respect everyone's faith, but I'm somewhat mixed up when it comes to that type of thing. Anyway, on Sunday night, as I finished putting the kids to bed I could have sworn I heard your mom's voice say, "Well, who is this?" in reference to the kids. I had the weirdest feeling go through my body. The voice was clear and only heard by me, but immediately a picture flashed into my head of your mom bent over with her hands on her knees talking to my oldest son. I left the room kind of shaking my head, then popped my head back into the room and said, "It's Nicholas!" I didn't want to miss my chance at communicating in some way to her. There was no reply, but I didn't need one. I know she heard me.

I can't tell you how many times I look towards your parents as role models as I raise my kids. I personally don't know how they did it with so many kids. Your mom's calmness truly played a big part. I look and looked towards your family many times and said to myself, "I want a big family." We have 3 kids now and are seriously considering adopting a couple more because of this.

I hope you and the rest of your family is doing well. We get back from Hawaii a week from Saturday."
Take care, Butch Green (was on vacation during funeral)


"I loved Ramona with all my heart. I had some wonderful conversation both happy and emotional with several members of the family. I thought about your mom often this last year when Marie was preparing for her Holy Communion. We had to attend classes. One night we talked about the power of prayer and we lit a candle and remembered and all prayed together as a group. I said, Ramona Warren was the first person to really teach me about prayer. We also had to talk about going to church and our family experiences growing up Catholic. I shared the many happy memories of my experience with the Warren family. Be ready for the 11:15 mass. I was the tag along. But thank your parents for including me. Your parents always accepted me and even let me hang out at dinner time. Best of all your mother was always there for me, especially as a young adult. I was embarrased orginally about my pregnancy and Ramona told me, "Honey, every child is a gift from God." She always told me what a beautiful baby Erica was. She always asked about her over the years. She was always there to listen. I had a hard time with the whole Alarcon family thing and them not allowing me to be with my Grandmother when she passed or even go and say goodbye to her body. Your mother reminded me, how much Marguerite loved me and always talked about me with her and how proud she was of me. Your mother would remind me of the gift my grandmother gave to me. No matter what the purpose of their actions I received the most important gifts as well as my children. The gifts of strength, and courage and to fight to the good fight for those who didn't have a voice. Your mom was so right. I often think about it when I am kicking as for my teen parents and their rights and what they have a right to. I often thought about your moms committment to the pregnancy center and how in my job I have to support my student's choices but I always learn a little towards them continuing their pregnancies. So I want to thank all of the Warren's for embracing me as a child and continuing to be a part of my life and include me as part of the family."
Susie Law

"My heartfelt condolensces. As I accessed this message on 8/1, I'll begin a Rosary Novena for the repose of her soul on 8/2."
Blessings in Christ, Tony Vallecillo (Seminarian from San Francisco)

"Aww, Rick. I'm so sorry to hear the news. That must be very hard for you. You and your family are in my prayers.
Peace, Rob Smet

"I'm sad to hear the news about your mom. This is a passage we'll all be facing in the years to come as our parents age. I'm so glad you have Gia in your life to support you and provide a comforting shoulder at this time. Since I'm not present to do that for you as well, just know I'm doing it in "virtual reality" via the internet. I wish you the time and space to thoroughly and completely mourn your mother's passing. No holding back. I also wish you the time and space to appreciate her gifts and her legacy (my personal legacy being Rick Warren!) Lots of healing vibes will be sent your way."
Love, Co (Colleen Murphy)


"Thanks so much for letting us know about this. How blessed you are to have had your mother with you for so long, and to be able to be with her at the end. That is something that I'm sure you will treasure for the rest of your life. May all the wonderful memories of your mom and family sustain you through this sad time."
-Debbie Tatto (from Rick's former prayer group)

"So sorry to hear about your mother. I am sure she will be looking down from heaven, smiling on all of us every time we choose to ride out there in God's country (ref. Hollister Hills). Hugs to you at this sad time, it is never easy to lose a loved one, especially one as special as your mom."
xoxo, julie brown (bike buddy-ALC)

"Teresa and I are so sorry to hear of the passing of your mother. Our thoughts and prayers are with you." -Sincerely, Randall Kline (Executive Director/Founder-SFJAZZ)

"As I sit here and jot down a few thoughts you all are sitting together in Sacred Heart Church, surrounded by so many people whom your Mother touched in her life. Please know that I am there as well, even though I am so far away! One of the most wonderful memories I have of your Mom is the way she looked on the day of your parents' 50th wedding anniversary. It was the MOST romantic event I have ever witnessed. Your Dad looking up from the lectionary and reciting the scripture by heart.... looking straight down at your Mother as if he were seeing her for the first time. An amazing enduring love that was palpable and made the congregation gathered believe that true love and friendship was possible. And then the sight of all of your siblings and you lined up on either side of your parents as they renewed their vows.... WOW!!!!
What a life force they have created with their marriage!

Your Mother and Father have made an incredible impression on me over the years and it is one that endures and leaves me feeling very FAR AWAY FROM HOME today as you all celebrate her life and death in the Lord. My pop in visits with your parents over the years, catching up with them at Sunday Mass and the annual Halloween trick or treating have been comfort food for my soul over the years. Life changes so quickly and moves even more quickly that the sameness and steadiness of your parents was reassurance of the goodness and fullness of life. I try to live a meaningful life and fill my boys' days with substantial content and lasting tradition and your parents were an example to me of how to go about doing that.

When we decided to move to TX, to make this big change.... I knew I would miss many things and people that had been part of my world... but that that would be part of the adventure. However, I also knew that I would lose some things completely..... and that nothing would be the same afterwards.... losing your Mom is one such loss. But as Christians we know that she is not lost.... don't we? She is only around the corner waiting for us. I for one can't wait to see her again.

With sincerest condolences and gratitude for the opportunity to know your Mom!!!"
Love, Liz (Herbert) Barnett

The sadness of death
gives way to the bright
promise of immortality.
Lord, for your faithful people
life is changed, not ended.
When the body of our earthly
dwelling lies in death,
we gain an everlasting dwelling
in heaven.
—Roman Missal

"Debbie passed onto me your message about the death of your Mom. I know from all that you shared with us in the past what a great lady she was. At 88, she had a rich life, and left many children to carry on the dream. I know what a loss it must be for you and your whole family, and I want to assure you of my prayers. As you grieve your loss, never forget the kingdom your Mom has gained. I'm sure that she'll still be there for you, although in a new way. Hope your Dad is able to cope with his own personal loss-- I'm sure your presence means a lot to him now." ----
"Thank you for sharing your eulogy with me-- I appreciated being able to read it, and in that way, take part somewhat in the celebration of your Mom. Glad that the family was able to receive such strong support. I'm sure you will all find support in one another now that the funeral is over and the hard task of going back to ordinary life begins. I'll be thinking of you."
-Peace, Fr. Greg Hyde (Rick's former prayer group/priest living overseas)

Ramona Warren's Eulogy

On July 26, 2006 my dear Mom passed away. Here is her eulogy, most of which was written within the hour before the mass:

Funeral Mass/Celebration of Life - July 29, 2006
By Rick Warren

Fr. Rudy introduces: “Now we’ll have comments from Ramona’s youngest child."

I’ll start by saying my brother Sean told me, “I know Wes and you’re no Wes.”
-PAUSE-
Ramona was born to Mariano and Ceferina (Martin) Sanchez in Hollister, California at a vineyard in the Cienega Area. Today it’s known as Almaden Vineyard I believe. Her parents were both born near Salamanca, Spain and married in Hawaii. Her gentle father was a farmer and her mother a midwife. She inherited their strong sense of faith and family. Although she was named after her eldest Aunt “Romana”, for most of her life she was referred to as Ramona. She was a parishioner right here at Sacred Heart her entire life where she was honored for having children in the school for 28 years.

As a young adult after moving to Salinas to work with her older brother Frank she lived for a time in San Francisco (where Sean, Kevin and I live now) and worked for the Sullivan family taking care of their children and went on to business school downtown (she’d want you to know that). She joined the Young Christian Workers (YCW) where she met a guy named Wesley Warren of San Francisco they became Co-President together. They married at St. Boniface Church when Wes came home from the Navy after WWII. Mom said, “On our wedding day I knew I would have 12 children, and that’s what I did.”

Through 60 years of marriage, she was a hard working homemaker and active in her community (as Sean said), teaching catechism, counseling, volunteering at the Compassion Pregnancy Services and ministering right here at this very parish.

An advocate of a new church since she knew this one would be outgrown long before St. Benedicts broke ground, she was so proud when it did.

When I was in 8th grade, just across the parking lot, they gave her an award for all the years of service and this 13 year old was naturally embarrassed. But I remember getting over it and we had our first dance – she never stopped talking about the light blue jacket I wore that day and for years after. My sisters are still making sure I wear the right colors…I hope I’ve improved my wardrobe some.

I recall a time Dad, Mom, Sean and I took a trip to Vancouver, BC and Victoria and Mom sat in the back seat of the car the entire trip. But only because we all had longer legs. She was not a backseat kinda woman.

One time I preached at my church in San Francisco about Mother Mary taking care of her son Jesus when he fell as a boy. Like Mary, Mom tirelessly helped her children. She probably holds the world record for most dishes done, with the water so hot we couldn’t bear to reach in and touch it [gesturing to sibs]. No doubt she washed more diapers and did more dirty laundry than anyone except maybe the Carotas, who had 22 kids. Of which her Dr. Ben is one son. Thank you, Ben. To her final weeks she picked up after us.

Our family can be loud – and even until the last years she could hear everything. My sibs and I can probably each recall a time when a small backyard conversation was reiterated back to us maybe weeks later. She was always listening.

She liked to make stuffed bell peppers and huge lasagna plates – Auntie Marian still talks about the huge platters. Our house is currently full of those now thanks to all for your generosity.

Many of you were at Mom and Dad’s 50th wedding anniversary celebration right here-we had a mass not unlike this one and a party in the gym. 300 showed and she was so happy to have all her family and greater family there – especially all of her cousins. And we thought Dad was the party goer.

Kevin asked me to mention that he recalls during the 1970’s when she used to say to the girls, “you’re not gonna wear that” - especially to Anita. Anita wore her wedding dress 55 years later. She was so proud of her.

When things got hectic – to keep us in line she would tap us on the back of the hip or back and say “tross tross.” Meaning: come on.

Just this week we fussed over the program for this mass – trying to get it just right. I could hear Mom say, “don’t fuss so much.”

We all have charisms. Charisms are our God given gifts which have been so evident today and this week. From Kevin, the caretaker, to Rayna with the beautiful voice not unlike Mom’s sister Annie’s, who sang in this very church. I recall many times her voice singing “Ave Maria” from the balcony. Each of us have shared our own gifts this week.

In 1981 Mom said, “God has really blessed us. Our life has been very special.” -- Indeed it has and will remain.

God Bless you all.

This is my first "official" blog

Hello, thanks for coming to my blog space. This is my first official posting and I will soon add past postings from my AIDS/LifeCycle blog and other materials I have written. I hope this to be informative, but not formal, postings of my life in play, work and faith. I intend it not as a self-promotion but an opening of dialogue between me and those who visit. I'd like to hear from you and get to know more about what makes you, my friends, family, co-workers and acquantances tick.

What makes me tick:
bicycling
movies
gia borelli
family gatherings
basketball
tennis
a good mass
preaching
craigslist
live music
road trips
harbin hot springs
weddings
-not necessarilly in that order.